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The Legend Continues

Discussion in 'Tavern Talk' started by TheSpeedy_, Aug 10, 2015.

  1. TheSpeedy_

    TheSpeedy_ Dirt Conaisseur

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    There are many places the story of Stig Burgundy could begin. Perhaps in the midst of the ocean, surrounded by the thousands of teeth of sharks closing in for a bite. But our story begins in New York City, in the cafe of a Starbucks, looking down at a copy of the New York Times. This is the Stig Burgundy Story: The Legend Continues...
     
  2. Mandos

    Mandos Designer
    Staff Member Designer

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    Then as the barista called out the name "Stig" a van pulled up to the curb and 4 men got out.
     
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  3. ooitsbirdo

    ooitsbirdo Foreman
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    The Van had a strange logo on it, not yet seen in NY in this time. The logo Said "BBC". Then the 4 Men askedo him "Do you want to be out team racing driver" To witch Stig replied " Hmmmm why not".
     
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  4. Dallen

    Dallen Yellow flower puncher

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    They five men got back into the van and drove off. After some time the stig realized that the van was not headed for the airport. When he asked the 4 men where they were going they punched him in the stomach and put a brown bag over his head. "Where going nowhere" one of the men said, and the others laughed.
     
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  5. Ardelenia

    Ardelenia Yellow flower puncher

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    Twas a long and wearying ride that Stig had in said van. Now, dear readers, you are likely wondering about the second part of his name … Burgundy. Perhaps you think it was his own blood, drenching his clothes as the men in the van tortured him with 82 paper cuts. Or maybe, it was his venti half-caf soy burgundy wine iced frappuccino, hold the foam, which tragically stained his white jacket as he turned around to greet the men. But you would all be wrong! The van driver, in his ultimate wisdom, realized that someone might recognize their captive passenger, and pulled into the nearest Sherwin-Williams (Cover the Earth). What luck! There was a sale, of a single color of paint, and that color was … Burgundy. Or #6300. The men bought a few cans and a brush and rushed back to the van, where one of them set to work disguising Stig's suit. Meanwhile, the van drove on, going somewhere.
     
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  6. ooitsbirdo

    ooitsbirdo Foreman
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    After a long drive they draged Stig out of the van and placed him on a chair, they took of the bag, he found himself in a warehouse full of creats with strange words that he has not seen "взрывной" and "Опасность" The five men started speeking in a stange language. Stig thought to him self are these men terrorists?
     
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  7. Portalrules333

    Portalrules333 Yellow flower puncher

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    One of the men reached into a nearby crate, pulling out.....a plutonium bomb? A chain grenade? Perhaps even a crossbred poodle? No, out of the box came Stig's nemesis, his pet hate, his arch-enemy: Crash Test Carl. As he stared into those cold, emotionless eyes, Stig wondered how he would get out of this situation.
    V6t3g6Y.jpg
     
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  8. ViggyIggy

    ViggyIggy Yellow flower puncher
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    Suddenly a warm feeling enveloped him completely. Stig realized it had been 24 hours since he last used the restroom. He was very grateful at that moment for the burgundy paint. Was it the uncomfortable feeling in his seat? Was it the overwhelming smell of his immediate environment? Whatever it was, he felt an intense urgency to get out of there now! He surveyed his surroundings for available resources. He looked back to Carl. He knew something, but it would be impossible to get the information from him. No, he was on his own for this one. He tapped into his many years of secret agent training playing GoldenEye 007 for the answer.
     
  9. TheSpeedy_

    TheSpeedy_ Dirt Conaisseur

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    Stig referred to his C.I.A. training...

    Hold on just a moment, our story of the Burgundy begins many years before this event. Our story begins in the lovely city of San Diego, where the Stig is surfing in shark infested waters.

    Some say he's a moral man with a god complex, and if he was tied upsidedown, his blood would rush to his feet. All the world knows is... He story is just unfolding...
     
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  10. Portalrules333

    Portalrules333 Yellow flower puncher

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    Just as Stig catches the perfect wave, an ominous black shape appears in the water below him. Quickly utilizing the knowledge he researched on Bing (Stig was old-fashioned) the week before, Stig performed a native rain dance, in order to scare the shark away. However, the shape continued to draw closer. As a last ditch effort, Stig uncapped his bottle of sunscreen, and attempted to spray it into the shark's eyes. Unfourtantly, our hero was too cheap to buy waterproof sunscreen, so this attempt was futile.

    The shape burst out of the water, revealing it to actually be........an inflatable dolphin pool toy. After a few words of conversation, and some drinks at the the beach bar, Stig and the dolphin were friends for life.
     
  11. ooitsbirdo

    ooitsbirdo Foreman
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    Wait the story doesnt start there, it all began when sperm and an egg come together to make a stig burgendy embrio, with this Stig develobed into a fetuse and after some time he came out... now we can continue the story from where @Portalrules333 ended