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The Quotes Thread

About a month ago at dinner my oldest sister tried to be smart. She's a health freak. Complete nutter with her diet. She even goes as far as to drinking liquidized grass because ''it's healthy''. Best thing, she's a nurse.
Anyways, the dinner my mum was making was something I don't like. The only thing I could have was a burger. So that's what I had. My sister tried to be smart and sassy and claim I must be allergic to healthy food. I retort saying ''At least I don't drink grass. You'd probably only eat a burger if it had grass in it.'' And then, here comes her ultimate come back. ''Well you're probably eating grass because cows eat grass, so it would be in burgers.''
I was gob smacked. I couldn't say anything. I just laughed.

Oh and ironically, the burger I was eating was chicken, not beef.
 
May offend some people
Friend - [friend] is a c**n
Me - Racist..
Friend - [friend] is a C-U-N
Me - A cun?
Friend - No, a c**n
Me - But c**n is spelt C-*-*-N . . . not C-U-N
Friend - The Japanese would pronounce it c**n
Me - Oh..

One of my friends was mocking the music I like, claiming that they only scream and are therefore heavy metal . . .
Friend 1 (screaming) - LINKIN PAAAAAAAARK!!! AVENGED SEVENFOOOOLD!!!
Friend 2 - Are you high?
Friend 1 - Yes.
 
spike010 said:
One of my friends was mocking the music I like, claiming that they only scream and are therefore heavy metal . . .
Friend 1 (screaming) - LINKIN PAAAAAAAARK!!! AVENGED SEVENFOOOOLD!!!
Friend 2 - Are you high?
Friend 1 - Yes.
Click to expand...
He must be high.
Only Linkin Park is heavier with lyrics, and Avenged Sevenfold is only heavy in select songs after the first album or two, Sounding The Trumpet and Waking the Fallen. In fact, the whole of Nightmare is mellower than the rest (other than that one song, which you will know when you hear).
 
I know that he has heard Afterlife, Nightmare and the 'Like me motherf*cker!' bit of Critical Acclaim. I think he is aware of what they used to be like, hence the screaming. As for Linkin Park, he is emphasizing Chester Bennington's screaming without even knowing the meaning or style of his (proper) singing. When it comes to music, he is just a d*ck who likes to try to p*ss me off.
 
One of my friends moving to an island in Washington:
"We'll be safe from the zombie apocalypse and when the Canadians invade America" (no offense meant to Canadians anywhere, especially in Canada)
 

Please show your friend Thy Art Is Murder or Cannibal Corpse or something lol
Neither one of those bands is that heavy, a7x sometimes. A7X are a great band though, they got me into metal in the first place!
 
So we had lasagna for dinner
--my litte brother: "When we go on vakation to England we need to go eat lasagna somewhere. Oh wait, do they know lasagna in England?
Wait, Garfield is from England and he's addicted to lasagna!
--Me: Garfield is from America
--He: Damn

Now he's still doesn't know if you British guys know lasagna or not
Also for those who like to know, he's almoust 14 years old. . .
 
Man, I haven't had lasagna in YEARS!
 
spike010 said:
One of my friends was mocking the music I like, claiming that they only scream and are therefore heavy metal . . .
Friend 1 (screaming) - LINKIN PAAAAAAAARK!!! AVENGED SEVENFOOOOLD!!!
Friend 2 - Are you high?
Friend 1 - Yes.
Click to expand...
I was listening to music in class with the same friend as above sitting two chairs to my left:
Friend: I can hear that, Lem, from all the way over here.
Me *sarcasm*: Really? Then what does it sound like?
Friend: Heavy guitars, drums and screaming [an exaggeration of the music I like]
The irony (if that is the right word ) was that I was listening to Fiction by Avenged Sevenfold which is very different to their usual stuff with mellow singing and piano (you'll find this quote much more funny if you've heard the song )

Drama Teacher: If you sit down, eat and don't exercise all day, you won't get injured . . . but you'll get diabetes.
 
Okay, this is a bit long.
So, there's this guy at my school who I will call [guy].
Essential Information Part 1: He's one of those people who would be cool, except he has a gigantic ego.
Essential Information Part 2: My advanced language arts class has to do vocabulary. One of the words was pretentious. So, we were saying "[guy] is so pretentious" as part of our usual nerdy joking.
STORY: Then, during lunch, someone said, "[guy], you're so pretentious." [guy] said, "Wow I haven't heard that word in a while." Me: "What word?" (I was so sure something like this would happen.) [guy]: "Retentious."
MORALE: Never pretend to know something you don't, always admit to it. Or bluff your way out of it well.
 
So, I was on a train coming into London, and there was this group of something-teen girls sitting opposite. We were just passing the Arsenal Emirates Stadium, and this happened (Not word-for-word):
Girl#1: Hey, why's that got the Arabian thing on it?
Girl#2: What?
Girl#1: It's got the Arabian thing on it, "Emirates"!
Girl#2: Oh... Yeah, I think it was sponsored by them or something.
Girl#3: What? It's just where people go to watch Arsenal play football.
Girl#1: Yeah, but it's got the Arab... Arabic... (She then proceeded to have trouble saying the word "Arabican", which is not at all the correct term)
 
We were studying the digestive system in science.

Teacher: Good ol' anus, what would we do without you? Without our anuses, we will all be in the bathroom for 10 minutes every time.
 
Guy I sit next to in class is trying to speak in a british accent (he's Portuguese)
Guy: Ey, mate! I'm British, mate!
Me: That's Australian...
Guy: What's the difference?
Me: Well, Britain has a prime minister that looks like a penis, and Australia has a prime minister who IS a penis.
 
This week's boost of inspiration presented by:

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.
Click to expand...
-John Quincy Adams

A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit.
Click to expand...
-Arnold H. Glasow

-Yehuda Berg

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
Click to expand...
-John F. Kennedy

-Steve Jobs

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
Click to expand...
-Winston Churchill

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
Click to expand...
-Andy Worhol
 
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