Being in the medical field I am often asked what various phrases and words used by doctors & nurses mean. I figured many here may have some similar questions and thought I'd share some with you:
Anemia – Expression – To require something. Example: Anemia screw driver.
Aorta – Expression – One should take action. Example: Aorta punch you in the nose!
Arm – Verb – To acquire or dispense weaponry unto one's self or others.
Artery – Noun – Where paintings are displayed.
Asthma – Phrase – To quote one's mother. “Asthma always said....”
Benign – Verb – What you do after you be eight.
Bipolar – Adjective – Can be loaded into ambulance head or feet first.
Bronchospasm – Noun – An epileptic horse.
Cancer – Noun – A constellation in the stars.
Catabolism – Verb – Eating kittens.
Colon – Punctuation – Two dots arranged vertically.
Coma – Punctuation – Small line written in subscript, commonly utilized to separate list items.
Contralateral – Noun – Side Deal executed between Iranians and The Reagan Administration.
Defibrillate – Verb – To get to the truth. (See also: Fibrillate).
Dentist – Noun – One who specializes in repairing cars after hail storms.
Dyspepsia – Noun – Genetic defect which causes a person to prefer Coke to Pepsi.
Ectopy – Noun – When a ghost urinates.
End Stage – Noun – The very edge of the apron in a theater, just before the actors fall into the orchestra.
Erection – Noun – A constructed object such as the Washington Monument.
Eye – Phrase – To agree with something in sailor talk. Since most people have two, it is customary to say “Eye Eye”
Face Sheet – Noun – A method of euthanasia for terminally ill patients.
Fibrillate – Verb – To tell a big lie.
Fibula – Noun – A small lie.
Gait – Noun – A passage through a fence.
Gall Bladder – Noun – The source of impudence and bad manners from intolerant people.
Gap Junction – Noun – Distribution Center for popular clothing store.
Genes – Noun – A type of pants, typically constructed from denim.
Health – Noun – The rate at which a person is dying. Ironically, the slowest most painful death is considered best.
Hearing Aids – Noun – Disease transmitted by having phone sex.
Hemithorax – Noun – A severe, usually fatal, injury during a motor vehicle accident in which the diesel engine becomes lodged in the driver's chest.
Heroin – Noun – Lead female character in a story
Hives – Noun – Where bees live.
Hospitalist – Noun – A document showing phone numbers and addresses of local Emergency Rooms.
Hypertrophy – Noun – An award given to kids with ADHD.
Hyphema – Noun – Astigmatatism
Idiopathic – Verb – To follow in the footsteps of one who is deficient in sense, the way of an idiot.
Intestine – Verb – Currently taking an exam.
Incontinent – Adjective – Towards the interior of a land mass, as opposed to being next to the coast.
Jugular – Noun – Circus performer who tosses objects into the air.
MAO Inhibitors – Noun – Opponents of Chinese Communism.
Menopause – Verb – When women take a break from dating men.
Menstrual – Noun – A medieval European singer who performed for the king. Performers typically rotated out on a monthly cycle so the king would not get bored of the same songs.
Metabolism – Verb – To eat at the opera.
Node – Verb – To have knowledge of something. The mobster had to kill the witness because he node too much.
Occupied – Adjective – To have a baked dessert thrown in one's eye.
Organ – Noun – Instrument played in church.
Overdose – Verb – To divide by two in Spanish.
Pharmacist – Noun – One who helps plant or harvest crops.
Presbycusis – Verb – When the minister begins swearing in the pulpit.
Protein – Adjective – In favor of young people.
Proton – Adjective – In favor of heavy people.
Psychokinesis – Noun – Phenomenon in which objects are hurled about by a crazy person.
Pyuria – Noun – A condition which causes a person to pee fire. Not to be confused with STDs.
Rectum – Expression – Dang near killed him.
Rhinestones – Noun – Boogers
Schizophrenic – Noun – Disorder of the nerve running to the diaphragm resulting in very irregular rates and patterns of breathing.
Senile – Verb – To take a tour of the rivers in Egypt.
Tachycardia – Verb – Sending greeting cards with bad jokes in them.
Thyroid – Noun – Sores that develop on fat people's legs as they rub together while walking.
Tumor – Adverb – One more than one more.
Type O Positive / Negative – Adjective – A document with or without spelling errors, respectively.
Vein – Adjective – Obsessed with one's looks.
Hope y'all enjoyed it!
Anemia – Expression – To require something. Example: Anemia screw driver.
Aorta – Expression – One should take action. Example: Aorta punch you in the nose!
Arm – Verb – To acquire or dispense weaponry unto one's self or others.
Artery – Noun – Where paintings are displayed.
Asthma – Phrase – To quote one's mother. “Asthma always said....”
Benign – Verb – What you do after you be eight.
Bipolar – Adjective – Can be loaded into ambulance head or feet first.
Bronchospasm – Noun – An epileptic horse.
Cancer – Noun – A constellation in the stars.
Catabolism – Verb – Eating kittens.
Colon – Punctuation – Two dots arranged vertically.
Coma – Punctuation – Small line written in subscript, commonly utilized to separate list items.
Contralateral – Noun – Side Deal executed between Iranians and The Reagan Administration.
Defibrillate – Verb – To get to the truth. (See also: Fibrillate).
Dentist – Noun – One who specializes in repairing cars after hail storms.
Dyspepsia – Noun – Genetic defect which causes a person to prefer Coke to Pepsi.
Ectopy – Noun – When a ghost urinates.
End Stage – Noun – The very edge of the apron in a theater, just before the actors fall into the orchestra.
Erection – Noun – A constructed object such as the Washington Monument.
Eye – Phrase – To agree with something in sailor talk. Since most people have two, it is customary to say “Eye Eye”
Face Sheet – Noun – A method of euthanasia for terminally ill patients.
Fibrillate – Verb – To tell a big lie.
Fibula – Noun – A small lie.
Gait – Noun – A passage through a fence.
Gall Bladder – Noun – The source of impudence and bad manners from intolerant people.
Gap Junction – Noun – Distribution Center for popular clothing store.
Genes – Noun – A type of pants, typically constructed from denim.
Health – Noun – The rate at which a person is dying. Ironically, the slowest most painful death is considered best.
Hearing Aids – Noun – Disease transmitted by having phone sex.
Hemithorax – Noun – A severe, usually fatal, injury during a motor vehicle accident in which the diesel engine becomes lodged in the driver's chest.
Heroin – Noun – Lead female character in a story
Hives – Noun – Where bees live.
Hospitalist – Noun – A document showing phone numbers and addresses of local Emergency Rooms.
Hypertrophy – Noun – An award given to kids with ADHD.
Hyphema – Noun – Astigmatatism
Idiopathic – Verb – To follow in the footsteps of one who is deficient in sense, the way of an idiot.
Intestine – Verb – Currently taking an exam.
Incontinent – Adjective – Towards the interior of a land mass, as opposed to being next to the coast.
Jugular – Noun – Circus performer who tosses objects into the air.
MAO Inhibitors – Noun – Opponents of Chinese Communism.
Menopause – Verb – When women take a break from dating men.
Menstrual – Noun – A medieval European singer who performed for the king. Performers typically rotated out on a monthly cycle so the king would not get bored of the same songs.
Metabolism – Verb – To eat at the opera.
Node – Verb – To have knowledge of something. The mobster had to kill the witness because he node too much.
Occupied – Adjective – To have a baked dessert thrown in one's eye.
Organ – Noun – Instrument played in church.
Overdose – Verb – To divide by two in Spanish.
Pharmacist – Noun – One who helps plant or harvest crops.
Presbycusis – Verb – When the minister begins swearing in the pulpit.
Protein – Adjective – In favor of young people.
Proton – Adjective – In favor of heavy people.
Psychokinesis – Noun – Phenomenon in which objects are hurled about by a crazy person.
Pyuria – Noun – A condition which causes a person to pee fire. Not to be confused with STDs.
Rectum – Expression – Dang near killed him.
Rhinestones – Noun – Boogers
Schizophrenic – Noun – Disorder of the nerve running to the diaphragm resulting in very irregular rates and patterns of breathing.
Senile – Verb – To take a tour of the rivers in Egypt.
Tachycardia – Verb – Sending greeting cards with bad jokes in them.
Thyroid – Noun – Sores that develop on fat people's legs as they rub together while walking.
Tumor – Adverb – One more than one more.
Type O Positive / Negative – Adjective – A document with or without spelling errors, respectively.
Vein – Adjective – Obsessed with one's looks.
Hope y'all enjoyed it!
[it's a joke if not clear]